Why I Keep Trying

It only comes up when I am dealing with this one guy that I really like and who I know likes me.  I would describe our personalities as fairly similar with some key differences.  We’re both laid back and have the same goals on how we want to live our life.  We both want to do our own thing and not be too serious or have someone bogging us down with their issues.  I’m pretty sure he’s like me where we’d hate to have someone constantly asking where we are or what we’re doing.

The issue is that we may be both wanderers in a sense, we clearly have a different opinion on what it means to be friends.  I take my friendships very seriously and I also come from a really small family.  I don’t call just anyone my friend, which is why I appear to have so few friends compared to everyone else.  I don’t like to spread myself thin, if any of my friends wanted to call me for advice or need help doing something, then I’m there or will try to help as best I can.  He on the other hand has a ton of people he calls friends.  I highly doubt he bothers to really get to know all these people and I would know because I’m one of the ton of people he calls a friend.  I have a bunch of good acquaintances and he has a bunch of friends (including me) that should be referred to as a good acquaintance.

What comes along with being an awesome friend is that you’re not a flake and you’re able to be depended on.  I would never tell a friend I’d do something or be somewhere with them and then not do it.  I would be devastated if I did that to my friend.  However, I don’t think the same could be said of him.  I probably am like this because I had to deal with it growing up.  My dad worked in the military and sometimes I’d expect to see him and get disappointed when he couldn’t show up.  Eventually I got use to it and I understood it.  But that taught me that keeping your word, being there for someone, committing to a friendship, and valuing the time spent with someone is important.  Not only that, but it just creates better life experiences.

So why do I keep trying to be his friend? First, I genuinely want to get to know more about him.  And, what if I’m wrong?  What if his definition of friendship is different and he really thinks we’re close friends?  Then me simply writing him off wouldn’t have really been fair.  Maybe he can’t juggle all his friends and work and then I get brushed off for other things….which still doesn’t fly with me since it’s usually a planned meeting.  Second, I don’t want to assume he’s a bad person with bad intentions.  That would be rude.  I’ve kind of been trying with him more than I would have with anyone else because I really think he’s an interesting and nice guy.  I want to give him the chance to prove me right and confirm that through actions.

However, this is getting fairly exhausting.  He’s taking up way too space in my mind with no benefit to me at all.  He is the most intriguing guy I’ve met thus far but I’m young and I seem to act like he’ll be the last intriguing guy I’ll meet.  I have a lot more eccentric people to meet and regular people as well…which I’ll probably talk about the new regular guy some other time.  I just like to be self aware and think about what makes people tick, but this is such a difficult case.  Which I admit would be part of the reward if we did reach the level of being good friends.  I would have cracked the case and gotten to know more about someone who is so complex and so eccentric such as myself (or so I’ve been told).