Meant To Be Alone

It’s becoming more and more apparent that I’m not the type that will end up with anyone.  Everytime I try think about why I keep going back to my childhood in which I was alone most of the time.  Not only because I’m an only child, but because I was quiet and chose not to be around others I thought were unnecessarily loud.  Which seemed to rule out everyone.

Now, I’m actually more social but still running into the same issues.  Either a guy is too social and talks too much for my liking or he is social and can do no wrong, but doesn’t have the patients to deal with me.  Or I suppose there’s the social guy who is too shallow that wishes for me to be something I’m not.  And, I can’t have a quiet guy because that’s boring and/or we’re both too quiet to want to talk to each other.  I typically don’t like someone that’s like me, unless their only commonality is that they’re weird and awkward…I actually like that trait…a lot.

It’s very frustrating at times, but what’s more frustrating is that I care about this now.  I went all the way up to the last year of High School without an actual boyfriend and didn’t care at all.  I don’t know if it’s because I’m getting older and the more life is becoming busy for me, the more I want to share.  Unfortunately, no guy that I’ve been talking too even cares about what I’m doing or bothers to inquire about the details of my work.

To a certain extent, I enjoy not fitting into the stereotypical role of 20-something college student.  Anyone who knows me couldn’t even conceive of the notion of me going to college parties, drinking, having random sex and whatever else they do.  Life has meaning and I generally don’t intend to spend it doing meaningless things.  However, I assume that’s also why I’m alone…but that will have to be a reason that remains.

Some people like to throw out the idea that I’m “picky” when looking for a guy.  That is far more from the truth since my general philosophy is that we’re all different and our flaws make life interesting.  I don’t expect to find the perfect guy so I really don’t expect much as far as physical looks are concerned and all I really want more than anything is someone attentive and calm.

So I guess I don’t know why I’m meant to be alone, but this is the beginning of a brainstorm exercise that will keep me occupied.  Now if you’ll excuse me, I have Robin Eggs to eat, Milo to drink, homework and an Astronomy quiz to take online.  Oh and I came back from Puerto Rico last Sunday so I’ll be doing a series of post, with plenty of pictures…which is why it’s taking me longer to post…but I’ll post soon.  Toodles.

Category : life
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